What would I do without Fiona Apple and warm high school memories? I know I should grow up.

Youll never see the courage I know
Its colors richness wont appear within your view
Ill never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you

Youll say you understand, but you dont understand
Youll say youd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you cant afford to lie

Youll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
Youll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than Ive ever shown - to you

Youll say, dont fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
Youll say youd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you cant afford to lie

Youll never live the life that I live
Ill never live the life that wakes me in the night
Youll never hear the message I give
Youll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you

Youll say you understand, youll never understand
Ill say Ill never wake up knowing how or why
I dont know what to believe in, you dont know who I am
Youll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and Ill never need a lie

(the only way I can explain things is through other people's lyrics sometimes.)

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yuck.

2. Have you ever been drunk? Once or twice.

3. Do you own a gun? No, I do not.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? We didn’t get Kool Aid very often, but I remember that green was good for drinking and dyeing my hair.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope, that is sort of the only time I’m not nervous.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I love Turkey dogs.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? White Christmas or this:


8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet Coke.

9. Can you do push ups? I think you mean, "Do you eat push ups?" And the answer is yes, of course I do. (I am leaving Andrea’s answer because it is perfect)

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My great grandmother’s gold locket

11. Favorite hobby? Collecting antique postcards

12. Do you have A.D.D.? no, but I was diagnosed with it in 8th grade. That’s how I learned that Ritalin is a very sought-after drug.

13. What's your favorite shoe? They smell.

14. Middle name? Rebecca.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Tired. Hungry. Can’t wait to go home.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, diet coke, lemonade

17. Current worry? I am all worry.

18. Current hate right now? Tiny bank balance.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? I think I was drunk. Yes. I was a drunk Golden Girl. (sigh)

21. Where would you like to go? Seaside, Egypt, Rome

22. Name three people who will complete this? Dick. Jane. Spot.

23. Do you own slippers? I own a ton of slippers but I never use them.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Purple and sparkly

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? That sounds sweaty.

26. Can you whistle? A little.

27. Favorite color? yellow

28. Would you be a pirate? I think I’m too polite to be a pirate. “Excuse me, I see you have some treasure there. May I please confiscate it? If it’s too big of a problem, please feel free to say no.”

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? The same three songs. One from Aida, a Carpenters song and a Counting Crows song.

30. A girl’s name I like? Nefret (means the light of Egypt) (I’m weird, so what?)

31. Favorite boy's name? Graham

32. What's in your pocket right now? I am wearing a skirt.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Jim Gaffigan (did I spell that right?)

34. Best bed sheets as a child? Farm Animal Sheets.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? I didn’t break anything or sprain anything. OOOOh. 8th grade I was chasing John Woodcock around the playground and he dropped his bag and I tripped over it and landed on my knees. I then skidded across the gravel and turned my knees into hamburger. It was so bad I damaged the nerves and couldn’t feel how bad it was. I still can’t feel parts of my knees.

36. Do you love where you live? No.

38. Who is your loudest friend? Anthony.

39. How many dogs do you have? One, Toblerone Wartooth. He is enough.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Yep 

41. What is your favorite book? "Island of the Blue Dolphins"

42. What is your favorite candy? I’m not huge on candy, but I do love a good Milk Dud

43. Favorite Sports Teams? Packers, Buckeyes. Ummm, The Globetrotters?

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Song for You. The Carpenters, natch.

We have a client who is accused of theft. The thing is he's a kid, 18. He stole something lame, lets call it delivery chinese food. He's an idiot, yes. But, he's facing 70 - 90 months that's 5.5 - 7.5 years. I feel so bad for him and his family, it is difficult for me to reconcile the crime with the criminal. he has no prior record and is sorry, shouldn't that be enough?

Thanks Measure 11.

1. What is your salad dressing of choice? Lighthouse 1000 Island. From the glass jar.

2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Red Robin

3. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Hmmm… hard boiled eggs.

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? Canadian bacon, pineapple and green onions.

5. What do you like to put on your toast? Peanut butter and applesauce. Or baked beans.

6. How many televisions are in your house? 2

7. What color cell phone do you have? Dark purplish-red

8. Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right.

9. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A few teeth and a gall bladder.

10. What is the last heavy item you lifted? Boxes of files in the basement

11. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yes. When I was a baby I was sitting in my highchair. My mom put a cookie on the counter that was just out of my reach. I attempted to reach said cookie and upon landing on the linoleum, knocked myself out.

12. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Absolutely not.

13. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I would not.

14. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Yes, as long as someone drove me to the emergency room afterwards. No gall bladder.

15. How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? One. I got rid of all the ones that hurt.

16. What's your goal for the year? Perform somewhere. Anywhere.

17. Last person you talked to? Antoinette

18. Last person you hugged? Anth

19. Favourite season? Fall

20. Favourite holiday? Christmas

21. Favourite day of the week? Wednesday

22. Favourite month? September

23. First place you went this morning? The max station

24. What's the last movie you saw? Most of 3:10 to Yuma. It was boring.

25. Do you smile often? Yes

26. Do you always answer your phone? Talking on the phone makes me nervous.

27. It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it from? Probably Kelsey.

28. If you could change your eye colour, what would it be? I would not.

29. What flavour drink do you get at Sonic? They have pretty good diet coke. Their banana splits are kick ass though (make sure you get them to leave off the pineapple and add nuts, their pineapple is not so good).

30. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes.

31. Favourite Christmas song? The Holiday Season – Andy Williams

32. What's on your wish list for your birthday? Charmed.

33. Can you do pushups? Maybe 1

34. Can you do a chin up? 8th grade can kiss my ass. I did one and I graduated. Eat that probably-lesbian-(not that there’s anything wrong with that)-but-maybe-she-just-liked-that-hairstyle gym teacher.

35. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Is it cliché to say a mix of both?

36. Do you have any saved texts? 20.

37. Ever been in a car wreck? Yes.

38. Do you have an accent? I have a non accent.

39. What is the last song to make you cry? I dreamed a Dream from Les Mis. Seriously: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

40. Plans tonight? Homework. Tv. dinner.

41. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes

42. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Bleeding heart, ridiculously expensive chocolate bunny, magazine

43. Have you ever been given roses? Not for a long while.

44. Current hate right now? Not being at home. I miss home.

45. Met someone who changed your life? On an almost daily basis.

46. How did you bring in the New Year? I think we went to a friend’s house, but I honestly can’t remember.

47. What song represents you? Just one? Um… I have no idea.

48. Name three people who might complete this. No, thanks.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Sleeping. I do remember, however, that my sound machine went off and it pissed me off enough to wake me up.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? "don’t forget your thyroid pill" glamorous, I know.

So, im watchingt he office., its funny.

im so dfrunk. its fun to be this drunk.

FUN TIO BE RHIS DRUNKL,.



ANTHONYT IS MAKIBG ME TOAST.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE.

TOAST,.

internets are back up and running at home!

Is your best frien​d a virgi​n still​ ?
lol. none of them.

Favor​ite game conso​le?​​
I am partial to the Super Nintendo

If you were on death​ row, what would​ your last meal be?
Thanksgiving Dinner with popovers (lard cooked of course)

How'​​s your heart​ latel​y?​​
pretty decent.

Who was the last perso​n you had a deep conve​rsati​on with?
Anth probably

Do you like someo​ne?​​
of course!

Story​ behin​d your MySpa​ce name?​​
It's my name.

Are you sarca​stic?​​
Only sometimes.

Are you shy?
in a lot of situations yes. When I need to be ballsy I am.

Are you talka​tive?​​
Depends on who I am with.

What are you doing​ tomor​row?​
homework. hopefully some Christmas shopping

What are you looki​ng forwa​rd to?
4 o'clock!

Lates​t you staye​d up in the past week?​​
2 or 3 last weekend

Are you liste​ning to music​ right​ now?
k103.com streams Christmas Music!

Are you curre​ntly wanti​ng any pierc​ings or tatto​os?​​
a few tattoos. no piercings though.

How long can you go witho​ut your phone​ ?
I can survive without it, but it wouldn't be much fun.

Who last calle​d you babe or baby?​​
I don't think anyone calls me that.

Do you swear​ in front​ of your paren​ts?​​
yep.

​Who did you last lay in bed with?​​
Anth (and Toby & Akuma)

What would​ you do if your best frien​d told you they were movin​g?​​
they mostly live far away anyway.

Your enemy​ is at your doors​tep beggi​ng for forgi​venes​s,​​ you say?
of course.

What pisse​d you off yeste​rday?​
an inmate who doesn't understand that i am not his personal assistant.

What are you suppo​sed to be doing​ right​ now?
working.

When was the last time you felt unbea​rably​ guilt​y?​​
I always feel guilty.

Can you play Guita​r Hero?​​
I've never tried.

Do you prefe​r warm or cold weath​er?​​
cold.

What do you curre​ntly hear right​ now?
a Mariah Carey Christmas song

How old do you think​ you will be when you final​y have kids?​​
any age works for me.

Have you ever kisse​d in the rain?​​
I'm from oregon.

Have you ever falle​n aslee​p in someo​nes arms?​​
probably.

Do you know anyon​e who is pregn​ant?​​
at least a couple people

Does anyon​e hate you?
I hope not. but probably.

Do you want a small​ or big weddi​ng?​​
As many as the Sons of Norway Hall can hold.

Has anyon​e ever calle​d you "​​scrum​ptiou​s"​​ befor​e?​​
I have no idea.

Have you ever chang​ed cloth​es in a vehic​le?​​
yeah

Are you happy​ with life right​ now?
mostly.

Are you curre​ntly jealo​us?​​
nope.

What jewel​ry are you curre​ntly weari​ng?​​
Anth's ring, Claddaugh, watch, Egyptian necklace.

Have you ever had your heart​ broke​n?​​
a couple of times.

Have you ever broke​n someo​ne'​​s heart​ ?
doubtful.

Do you have any weird​ insid​e jokes​ ?
middle pancake! the marks!

Do you find tatto​os attra​ctive​ in the oppos​ite sex?
sometimes.

Do you miss someo​ne?​​
yep. every single day.

Have you ever in any wa​y,​​ been betra​yed by someo​ne you thoug​ht you could​n'​t?​​
sure.

Has someo​ne ever told you that they would​ be with you forev​er?​​
lol. yes. high school was awesome.

Have you ever dated​ someo​ne longe​r than a year?​​
twice? i think.

I stole this from Bular's journal.

new meme: write a short autobiography! where were you born? where did you grow up? what was your relationship like with your parents/siblings? what was your life like in school? what jobs have you held? what were the most defining moments of your life?

I was born on September 3, 1981 in Portland, Oregon. I am a fertility baby and I always joke that I could have been at least 14 other people since it took my mom 14 months after the first treatment to get pregnant. My mom was 26 and my dad was 29. My mom delivered me in full makeup and i was at the mall on my second day of life.

I grew up in Sandy, Oregon which is a great place for little kids, but not so good for teenagers. I started grade school a year early and loved my grade school. Firwood was like a little safe neighborhood of buildings. I had the same friends from 1st grade until I moved away my Sophomore year. I also discovered unrequited love in Seth Tinker. (sigh)

My sister was born on September 20th, 1984. We did not get along at first. or really until we were in high school. We are super best friends now.

My parents were basically old teenagers and my dad was there, but not there. My mom's dad was like my father and when I was 9 he died. I only remember parts of that time, and that I thought I would die from the feelings I was having. I didn't cry for 6 months until we drove past the hospital where he died. then I sort of lost my mind. I started cutting and acting out and I had to spend quite a bit of time in therapy. in some ways I still feel 9 years old.

When I was about 13 my mom's mom died and that just about killed my mom. My mom couldn't handle living in the same place and wanted a change so when I was 15 we moved to Seaside. Which is good. There were some situations and people that I needed to get away from.

When I got to Seaside I threw myself into music and musical theater. I also met Ian and started our tumultuous on-again-off-again 6 year love affair. He's married now.

I worked at the Cannes Cinema, A & W, Bagels by the Sea, L'eggs Bali Playtex Express, and Liz Claiborne (for two days) during high school. I miss A & W and the Theater.

Lets see, after high school I went to New York to AMDA. Met a bunch of awesome friends, then it got too expensive and I got to spry so I came home. (Actually, that's kind of a lie - Ian called and I came a-runnin') after that, Ian and I moved to Hillsboro then to Portland, then broke up. I finished school, moved home, worked for three years as a paralegal. Fell in love, fell out of love, got my own apartment and a roommate (kick ass roommate!) dated Daniel, broke up with Daniel (still good friends) met Anthony on the internets randomly started hanging out with him, he moved in we got a kitten from our neighbor. last Christmas we moved to Hillsboro, got a dog, I started working Downtown Portland and here I am today.

awesome.

Your turn!

book meme. you've seen it before. now do it.

1 grab the nearest book.
2 open the book to page 56.
3 find the fifth sentence.
4 post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5 don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.


"and it helps make our culture what it is"

This is how I feel today.


"Hope is my philosophy, just needs days in which to be. love of life means hope to me, you are the new day."

drunk.

watching Ghost Whisperer.

eating cup cakes.

Have you read "She's Come Undone"? It's killing me.

I love Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I am afraid of failing school, but I'm not actually behind. just lazy.

Comment and I will...

a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, color, photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite userpic from your list.
g) In return, you need to post this on your own livejournal.

Sometimes I feel good. Like I am strong and can change. Sometimes my own will power astounds me, I can step away from everything and see myself overcoming and feeling calm. I have a few good days and then a craving I can’t escape from. It is constantly on my mind.

I feel a connection with the drug addicts and alcoholics, people who cannot keep from indulging even though their lives are crashing around them. I feel that. I feel as though I am spiraling away from myself. I can watch the numbers climb and feel the buttons pull, but I cannot stop. I am desperate. I am delirious with want.

I treat myself like a child. I reprimand and berate hoping that I'll get it through my thick skull. thick. I am uncomfortable. I am inconsolable.

I haven't slept a full night in years. I dream about it. I wake up and think about it. I think about it on the way to work. I think about it all day, plan it out. I still feel the pre-lunch excitement of grade school.

I wish I could escape.

1. name: hayley rebecca mousley, the first
2. birthday:september 3, 1981
3. place of residence: Hillsboro, Oregon
4. what makes you happy: pizza, The Golden Girls, myspace, music, friends, family, love, etc.
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: Counting Crows
6. do you read my lj: yep
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it: I just like to know what is going on with you. I don't judge.
8. an interesting fact about you: I once earned a button from the Sandy library for sailing away on a sea of books.
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment: yes
10. favourite place to be: Azeroth
11. favourite lyric/quote: my favorite quotes change all the time.
12. best time of the year: fall
13: a recent picture of yourself: do you want one or am i supposed to comment on it?
14: what is your job? I am a Paralegal (aka = lawyer helper)

RECOMMEND
1. a film: Zigfeld Girls
2. a book: Fire Bell in the Night
3. a song: Follow Through - Gavin Degraw
4. a comic book: Buffy
5. a short story: The Lottery
6. a TV program: CSI - David Caruso

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me: your kindness
2. two things you like about yourself: shit. two? umm, i usually remember to refill the toilet paper and my ability to placate inmates over the phone.
3. put this in your LJ so I can tell you what I think of you. okay.

Hello internets!

With the last few minutes of my lunch break I will quickly update.

Well, Anthony and I moved to Hillsboro January 1st (do not try taking a U-Haul over snowy icy mountains on New Years Eve, it is no fun) and now we live in an apartment that is twice as big, super nice and only twice as spendy. The first of the month is hard because Anthony hasn't found a job just yet, but not for lack of trying. Anyway, we're happy and we have a dishwasher and a washing machine.

Soon we will be getting a dog and a video camera (yay tax returns!) then I will be able to do video posts, I miss them.

We moved with the kitten, but I left Shiva with the neighbor that she had fallen in love with in Seaside. She would not have been happy going from being an outdoor kitty to an indoor kitty with another cat and a dog.

I quit my old job and got a kick ass Legal Assistant job in downtown Portland, I work for great people and with great people, my biggest fear is that I'll fuck it up. Its hard. I went from doing people's wills and bankruptcies to talking to inmates and working on murder cases.

I think that is pretty much it for right now. I'll update more when there is actually something to talk about!

have been better.

We are in day 4 or 5 of no power, finally got the phones back yesterday after 3 days of no contact with the outside world. It is a very strange feeling to not be able to connect with anyone outside your home town, or for that matter, half the people in your home town.

No one has been able to work, every huge tree in the county is down and they have no real estimate of when we will get power back. The only things in Seaside that work right now are two gas stations a Safeway and a Rite Aid. The last few days the only two roads in and out of town were closed so people went into "gas panic" and the lines were miles long - people were running out of gas waiting for gas. Gas stations were charging $5 a gallon and then limiting how much you could buy. People are still stealing generators and there have been a few businesses looted/robbed.

Sunday afternoon was spent holding a rope with one end tied to the banister of our porch and one end tied to my father while he was up on the roof tarring shingles back on in 125 mile an hour wind gusts while my boyfriend and my sister held the ladder at the other end of the house that was screwed to the floor of the back deck. My mother was running from front to back screaming into the wind. not my father's best idea ever. he's fine.

Thankfully we have a generator. We are lucky - a lot of people in town are not. I only have power for a few hours a day and the internet for even less. BUT, we're alive and together and we're okay. We're not even close to "up and running" as they seem to be saying on the radio, but we're okay.

I love you guys.

~h

I am:
a) naked
b) high
c) watching Lord of the Rings
d) eating delicious cookies
e) excited for Anthony to come home

I love this movie so much.

I am in love with my tumblr blog. It is ridiculously easy to use and super fun!

www.hayleyrebecca.tumblr.com

I just want to say thank you to the world. I put out positive vibes and positive things came back.

and no, its not just the jagermeister (how the hell do you spell that?) talking.

Hi.

So, what's going on with you guys?

Not a lot going on here with me, things are awesome. I got rid of my couch, that I loved, because it was huge and cumbersome and uncomfortable and I'm just trying to purge. It's weird how much I am not as insane about holding on to things like that. I feel strangely free.

I also got rid of the dishes that I've been staring at since I was born and replaced them with a fancy new set of Ikea dark grey dinner wear. LOVE.

Anthony and I are planning to move to Portland in January and I want to live HERE so bad. When we move we get to get his dog from his ex-wife, so I get a new apartment with my awesome boyfriend and a dog! yay!

Lets see. School is going pretty well, I still need to figure out what I'm going to do after I graduate.

AND we're having a Halloween party! YAY!

I think that's it.

:) ~h